


Not the one

by tachiisweet



Series: --the one [MAKOHARU] [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: M/M, THIS iS ANGSTY I MAKE MYSELF SAD, implied rinharu, mainly makoharu tho, makoto is an angel he doesn't deserve this, set after fireworks episode and during Haru's time in Australia with rinrin, someone should stab me tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-07-10 07:43:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6973960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tachiisweet/pseuds/tachiisweet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i> He will return him back into the oceans, unclip him from his leash and let his wings fly, let him beat gravity and defy all what is true. Because who else would want him, because Haru deserves better. </i>
</p><p> </p><p>  <i>He is not the one. </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Not the one

_' I'll show you a sight you've never seen before! '_

* * *

 

Makoto lays in his bed, eyes fluttering open to gaze at the dark ceiling above. Why was he dreaming that again? He turns, almost expectantly to see his best friend there but instead gazes at the empty floor. Of course. Their usual once-a-month sleepover is broken by his own- He shakes his head quickly, turning away from the plain sight and sighs to himself, looking back up. It's so obvious now, though, why he did such thing, why he requested something from Rin so large and selfishly. The excuses and false accusations that he's closest to Haru, that he knows everything he's thinking. _It's a lie_. He thought bitterly, blinking slowly as he lays his hand on his chest, allowing his breaths to even out with every second passing by. The vision of horrified blue eyes staring back, the sound of loud fireworks overhead. His body shudders.

He honestly meant no harm. He just wanted to be there, to help him, guide him in some way, give him hope. To light a fire for him, something he now understands he can't do. Just like the rest, he was worried about his best friend as the future looms closer to them, positively staring down at him. Ha. A future.

The sick feeling returns, twisting, gut-wrenching and painfully obvious. He turns to the side, squeezing his mid-section, fingers splayed across his abdomen as if he could will it to go, mercy would be kinder. Alas, nothing worked as he lays there, attacked by memory upon memory. It was written in the stars, destined to be. Yet all the same here he lay, desperately clawing out the jealous mix that runs in his veins, lightens his every nerve. I _wonder how he is. I hope he's having fun with Rin. I hope he finds his dream._  Tears form in his eyes, although Makoto frantically tells himself not to. But his heart breaks in two crumbles away like dust and burning against the fiery red flames. How could he ever be better than anyone? There's no reason to love him, no point in his own existence. Everyone would most likely be better off without him anyways.

He presses his face into one of his hands, the other digging itself into his side as he curls slightly into the wall. It's always been the two. Blues and greens, oceans and land. That is until the sun came and shined down. They were okay, the two adjusted quickly and enjoyed the sunny days of energy. Then fire came, burned the lands, rivalled the sun and attracted the water's interest. Ocean and fire, what a pair. He shuts his eyes, more tears cascading down his face as he wills himself not to scream. Blues and reds, a beautiful collision. More beautiful than the green he once provided for the oceans. He was never enough.

Haru was truly like the ocean. Soft and calm, quiet and ease. In and out, luring people with his aura and silent strength. Then the fire comes, whirling into their lives, storming and demanding. He forced the oceans to go back and drew a new side of the ocean, where it's violent and strong, equally harsh and bitter like stormy seas and the two clash. They fight and be better than the other, always on edge. That's what Rin is, for Haru. A companion to push Haru, to find better paths for Haru, for his future. Something Makoto selfishly wants to deny of his best friend.

Makoto is the lands. The green hilltops and new buds of spring. The weight of Earth, brown rich soil and heavy gravity to connect the world with one another. That's right. He is a burden, a heavy weight. He is gravity, that will drag him down, tie his wings and choke him with dirt, fill him with nothing but grief and bitterness at the selfishness of his own wants on keeping him down. Makoto is refusing what he can so blatantly see what is best for Haru; Rin.

He would only trap him here, like goldfish, like water in a tank. He can't interfere, no not anymore. He swallows air, hiccuping silently into the darkness of his bedroom. Makoto can't do that, won't do that. He absolutely refuses to be the land that dries the oceans, that destroys with his unexplainable strength, the gravity that forces him in invisible chains. He won't do that to Haru, lovely, kind Haru.

They must be awake, exploring the world, together. _How nice._ He thinks through his tears, no malice in his own thoughts. _I want to explore too, with you Haru._  The snake bites the angel away and he pinches himself painfully, till red marks are left on his skin. He holds himself, closing into his own fears, the monster in the metal cage inside rattling viciously, clawing itself into his wounded heart.

From all those years. Haru watching Rin, vice versa. The two always competing, wanting to best the other, as if showing off they are worthy of the other. How Haru stopped swimming, for the sake of Rin. Rin coming back to Haru, finding comfort in the other. The shared intimacy, a love for swimming, something so far away that he can't reach. They are miles away from his fingertips, flying too fast, too high, for the boy who belongs to terra firma. It was a child's dance between the red and blues, that grew into maturity over the years, like aged wine, now a perfect blend of rich fineness. _I can't be him. I can't be what you need, Haru_. He chokes, chest heaving up and down in little puffs of breaths, pillowcase stains by his tears. He clutches one hand on his chest, twisting his shirt into a white-knuckled clench as if he could reach out his own heart and crush it, until he feels nothing more.  _Please look after him Rin, please love him twice as much as I do, love him just the way how he deserves to be loved._ Something he can't do. 

"Why?" He whispers, voice rough with raw need and unspeakable anguish as he blinks through salty tears, stinging his skin. _Because, you don't deserve him. There is no future with him._  His heart sings the truth, slamming him down to Earth, to where he belongs. "I know. I know."

He remains there, allowing visions, sights, dreams, memories overwhelm him, allows the pain to blur his mind, tears to drown himself, as if he could create an ocean just for himself to die in. The darkness hides everything, even the moon and stars that twinkle brightly outside. "I love you." he gasps through the tears. "I love you Haru. I love you. I love you I love you I love you, Haruka. I love you. I love you." He moves his face into his pillow, letting out a muffled wail of the clinging pain that spins spider webs around him. "I love you. I love you I love you." He pants with each word, the confession choking his throat, guilt blinding him and the frost in his heart. "I love you, I love you." He'll leave. He'll let him go, because that's the right thing to do.

He will smile and remain himself invisible. He will laugh and greet Haru with the widest smile for him only, to see those blue eyes light up just one more time, one more time for Makoto when he plans to pick him up. He will stand by his side, let himself fall from the inside, hide it with a laugh and a wave of the hand. He will watch Haru swim, beat Rin one more time. He will return him back into the oceans, unclip him from his leash and let his wings spread, fly higher than the skies, let him beat gravity and defy all that is true. Because who else would want him, because Haru deserves better. He is not the one.

"I love you, I love you, I love you."

**Author's Note:**

> I don't understand why I like to cause pain upon myself, I think I'm a sadist to be honest. But here ya go. Angsty and much-needed pain of Makoto letting go of Haru because of his own insecurities and the talk of future makes me extra sad. 
> 
> I'm planning to write a small piece to accompany this one in Haru's perspective. I hope to be writing many more oneshots and several pieces based on makoharu falling in love and them moving to Tokyo and all! I'll hopefully be including some reigisa and sourin pretty soon in the future.
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> If you want to cry over makoharu you guys can contact me on instagram @tachii.sweet


End file.
